I’m not into conspiracy theories. From the illuminati to government conspiracies, aliens and the list goes on….I don’t buy it, nor do I care. Why don’t I care? It’s not going to change or affect my life if these conspiracies are true, so why cause myself additional stress and madness and give into these “theories” people cook up. Call me ignorant or not, but Id like to stay “inside” the box, because outside is too complicated. Luckily, we’re alive and I can do a huge “I TOL YA SO” to all you easy persuaded mo-fos. Check out this interesting and educational video by NASA which explains why we aren’t dead. Ha.
So when it seemed like everyone was talking about the “End of the World” and our impending doom due to the end of the Mayan calendar, I simply rolled my eyes and said “you’re so stupid”. Time after time my peers, the news media, and the internet would fuel this notion of December 21st being our “end of days” and day after day I’d see how truly gullible and easily swayed our general population was.
So what would happen if it was the end of the world? How would you spend your last days? Priorities re-aligned and death in mind, how would you spend those last moments with friends or family? It’s a tough thought. With the events of the last few weeks, especially with the Sandy Hook tragedy, I believe we all have shifted our thoughts to idea of loss and disaster.
I recently made a trip to Mobile, Alabama were I visited my 86-year-old great-aunt. This incredible woman of 86 years old has spent her life raising four generations of my family. Now in her old age, and in my adult life, I realize the impact she’s made on me and my family and am horribly terrified at the thought of losing her. I am not a fan of death. I have not really grasped it fully as any family members who have passed I was too young to really grasp the situation at the time. Luckily I have no friends who have passed either. If I had to spend my last days with anyone, it would be her. She means the world to me.
Luckily, we’re alive and December 22nd, 2012 was not the end of days and we can go on spending our Holiday season on not worrying about waking up early, doing absolutely nothing like you were on Summer break in High School, and surfing the net endlessly while playing a classic game of poker over at PartyCasino.com. Your bets of winning are probably higher than the word ending, and that my friend is a comfort in itself.
As I stood there in the middle of the lobby of the student dormitory building talking to Kirin I started to feel a sense of inner hope. If Kirin could find meaning to her life though faith then its not impossible for me to find my way. Kirin is a 22-year-old handicap college student confined to an electronic wheel chair for the rest of her life- I’m just overwhelmed and stressed about college like any other student. I have my health. My selfish depression does not hit anywhere close to her situation. Something in me clicked.
Faith. It’s what we feel when we put our foot on the gas and expect our car to push forward. Faith. It’s when you turn on the shower and expect there to gush out water from the shower head. Faith. When you do something and expect (or hope) that another thing will turn out the way its suppose to. Faith. I struggle to find it.
It’s taken me a while to realize that I’ve lost faith in my life during the process of studying Religion as a major at my university. Going though a traumatic relationship, suffering horrible guilt from a DUI, getting basically fired, and doing poorly in school also didn’t help in breaking my faith in good things to come. All these things have a certain degree of control on my end. I would’ve done this, I should’ve done that. But in the end, the part which is hard to deal with is the responsibility factor. Why did this happen to ME? But what happens when you did everything right? When you played your role and still the outcome was inevitable? This is where I struggle. I worked full-time hours, I put forth maximum effort, I played by the rules. Still the consequences proceeded.
As I stood there listening to Kirin talk about the importance of faith in her life, I started to feel a glimpse of hope. Kirin stated, “If I didn’t find some kind of faith, some kind of reason why I was made this way and born with a disability then my only other choice was scream and hate my life, thinking I was a mistake and feel like killing myself,” She had to stay positive. If she couldn’t find a reason for her existence her only other option was to think she was “defective” in some way, a product of unfit chemical development. These are her words. Imagine going though life thinking you are just a defective embryo with no purpose in life. Its her faith that gives her purpose and meaning. Its her faith that made it possible for her to graduate and attend one of the Top 50 universities in America, when the doctors said she probably wouldn’t be able to live longer then 3 years.
My lack of faith lately has been handicapping me in many ways as well. I don’t have faith in myself or life, so in turn, I expect everyone to disappoint me. Lady cut me off in the street? I expected it. Friends cancel plans last-minute? I expected it. Failed on a test I studied 10 hours the night prior? I expected it. I’m expecting life to let me down. It’s actually quite horrible. Going though life expecting people to do the worse to you. From my new relationship, to my personal friendships, it’s taking over my mind like the black plague. Its having me see wonderfully innocent and well-intention-ed people as secretive, suspicious, and manipulative characters. I want to see the good in people again. I want to know there’s some good souls out there.
After that conversation with Kirin and a few other personal events, I decided to be on an active search for faith. Where does it come from? Religion? Therapy? Music? Boyfriends? Friends? This is the answer I seek. To call myself an atheist might be a bit over-exaggerating but I am lost in the realm of religion and belief. As a religious studies major examining the Cannons of various religions texts and the histories behind their often bloody timelines only makes me wonder would such a God really bring so much hurt, bloodshed, and punishment upon his people? I don’t know. Its too big of an issue to tackle.
Maybe the most important factor in faith is security and comfort. I want to live life knowing that everything that’s happening is all part of _______ plan. That ‘they’ have a reasoning for letting things happen the way they do. That nothing is without purpose. That’s it, I want a purpose. I want comfort.
Raised a Catholic, I now am lost in what to call myself. But if I can say anything, I am wondering and searching for a title. And it I find none, then I am just myself. But I won’t let myself turn toxic and dark. I am writing this to express myself to my readers, but to also tell myself that living dark, demented ,and negative is not the way. My boyfriend can actually be a good person. My best friend might not actually be lying to me. My mom might actually be trying to help me find a new car. My sister might actually be trying to help me out financially. Nothing has alternative motives. Everyone is just as they seem. It’s a beautiful and optimistic view, and I want to believe in them. I want to have faith in them. If you feel the same way as me, I want you to know your not alone. Things will get better. All we have is to believe and have faith…
So there it is. Thanks Kirin.
The motherland. Heritage. Culture and tradition. It’s what we are made of and how we grew up. My nationality is Nicaraguense. Any one who really knows me knows I am a “ginga” and by that, meaning a “white girl” in English. I don’t know why I never really engulfed myself into my Hispanic roots but I always refused to fully develop my Spanish (even if it was my first language SMH). I forgot nearly all my Spanish and traded it for my new American lifestyle in Elementary, and I think since I was so ignorant and stubborn years went by and I refused to speak Spanish because I believed we were in America and everyone should know English. Stupid American!
Flash forward – im 23 and can’t even fully communicate with my 86-year-old aunt who I love dearly. Either way on August 9th I will be forced to speak Spanish as well as survive in what I like to call 3rd world conditions. And I’m not even over-exaggerating.
Okay I am a bit of an over-exaggerator, but when you’re so Americanized TEN DAYS – in a literally 3rd world country is not the business.
I’m hoping this trip will clear my mind, body, and soul. I hope to come back appreciative of my life in the States but also relaxed because I am filled with worry here back home. Constant thoughts, constant worries. Ten days though….sigh. Maybe I’ll find some cool jewelry and secret jems. Maybe I’ll find myself. Hoping its the last one.
Nicaragua has tons of beautiful scenery and landscape. Mountains, volcanos, lakes, and forest. I’m going with nearly all of my father’s side of the family and they are crazy. My cousin is getting married and they plan on taking us on a hike after the ceremony. Oh man, it’s definitely going to be an adventure. Theres no high rises here. And their tall buildings do not compare to anything Miami offers. Will be a change of pace and a 360 for little ol’ me. Below are pictures of typical Nicaragua. Old buildings painted like new.The market, the streets, the people.
I’ll be gone August 9th – 19th. Will you miss me a little when I’m gone?
I have had many hairstyles over these past months- I’ve tourtured my hair with at least 5 different changes this year! I look at it as artistic expression.
But there is one constant in my “hair life” which is that I’m consciously “growing my hair out” meaning that my hair was relaxed (black girl perm) and I want my hair texture to just be all natural. To outsiders it’s just a matter of letting my hair grow. But to those who know, who really know the difference between relaxed and natural “black” hair know that it is not always that simple. The natural hair is coarse and thick. The relaxed hair has been damaged and is thinner. This causes the hair to break when it’s growing out and makes it difficult and sometimes damn near impossible to acquire any length. It’s like you grow your hair out only for it to remain the same length for months , maybe even years. It’s frustrating. It’s the reason it has taken me so long to get to this point. Because every time I venture to be all natural I get fed up with the upkeep and just decide to get a perm and say “F it.”
Also, that difficult in-between time is part of the reason why I chose crazy hair styles like a long blonde weave. It’s fun, something different, and my natural, delicate hair is braided and chillin’ – not being harrassed by my brush and the elements daily. Then, I can go even crazier and dry my blonde weave whatever color I want since I’m not damaging my own hair.
My hair wasn’t always such a struggle. Well at least not in this sense. When I was little my hair was a huge afro of amazingness. But as time went on and it got harder to manage, I went the way of many young black girls- having a perm put into my hair (via my elders, obviously I wasn’t a 7 year old hairdresser.) This to me was everything- finally I could comb my hair fresh out the shower like the white girl in the shampoo commercials. Finally I could do my own pony tails and make up hair styles. And do NOT get me started on the curling iron. I was obsessed with that thing. But what I didn’t know was the damage being done to my hair. So, for years and years I kept my perm. In highscool I even got my mom to let me get blonde highlights. I reveled in my wavy hair when I let it air dry. My doobies were always on point (doobie wraps, thanks Dominicans!)
I tried a few times over the past 5 years to grow my hair out, eventually getting hair cuts and always I went back to perms. Well this is me saying I will not go back! I love being able to switch it up and have long hair one week and go back to my hair the next, so don’t expect me to stop with the weaves. They are fun and as long as they are done right they protect my hair from me messing with it and, very importantly here in Miami, from the sun. Most people forget that part. Also the girl who does my hair, Cookie gets me. Ladies- always feel comfortable with your hairdresser!
Anyways, I’ve gone through a bunch of hair styles but for now my hair is short, curly (at times) and oh, I dyed it gray. Finally! I’ve been obsessing over gray hair for years. Now, I’ll just stick to eating healthy, treating my hair like a princess and stay away from the relaxers. Anyone wondering about natural hair product know this- 100% pure Coconut oil is the best. It’s light, super cheap and a miracle worker.
One brand I have loved for years is Carol’s Daughter. My mom who has wild, long, healthy natural hair introduced me to the line of all natural, sweet smelling products and since then it grew into a huge company with Solange Knowles as it’s spokes woman. They have created a whole line of products specifically for women who are, like me, transitioning to all natural hair. There is even a blog/forum called Transitioning Movement that I check frequently. Do check it out- there are tips, product info and real life people like me, just letting it all out!
Here are a few of my past hair decisions. Actually looking back at them all side by side makes me see what looks best. I suggest everyone try it!
I’m happy I chose to go natural (again) and will try and stick with it this time! My mom and two sister’s long natural hair is my inspiration. Wish me luck !
My Photoshop skills are getting better day by day. lol.
I am a student. A daughter. A sister. A sales associate. And a full-time blogger and socialite. There are tons more to that list but just to keep it simple, those are the hats I had to wear during my Spring Semester this past year and everyday. As Summer makes its hot introduction into my life again, I can’t help but reflect on my last 6 months which were the mark of the end of an era and the beginning of a new me.
2011 was a tough year for me. Troubles with my office job were prevalent to the fact I was working for my mother. Carrying my mothers weight and reputation in the work place was not working for me. Too much pressure to be perfect (as she is). Then there was school. In my last years of college the classes have only got more strenuous and with that comes the need to balance how much effort and focus I need to do well in my classes. I’m also a commuter student so that means i drive over 13 miles reaching upwards of 2 hours of traffic at its worse points in the day just to get to school on time. To add to my stress is the fact I need to do well in school because I go to a private university which means thousands of dollars in student loans under my mothers name, which equals I BETTER PASS. Then to add-on top of that was my efforts in this blog and trying to establish it in the Miami social scene. From shows to events and meet and greets, I wanted to do it all. ON TOP OF THAT (it gets worse), I was struggling in a 5-year relationship that had more ups and down then the Dueling Dragons Rollercoaster in Universal Studios Island Of Adventures.
With the new year came new relationships, co-workers, jobs, friends, family, opportunities, and time to find myself again. For these past few months I’ve been living a life I never imagined I could live. Filled with eye-opening events and realizations which have made me more confident than ever and sad at the same time, I am more comfortable with myself each day as it’s a growing process. I’m comfortable now and accept myself as I am. I was heartbroken leaving my past behind me but so grateful to have been placed in the position I am now. Even with all these blessings in the new year, I still struggled with school, work, the website, and my personal life.
I tried to give 100% to all the aspects of my life but I started seeing my priorities change as the rush of excitement over my job, new friends, and growing opportunities drew me in a whirlwind which consequently made me focus less and less on school. Now let me tell you, school is not an easy task for me. It’s normal to dedicate a few hours a day of reading and studying to your courses, which I did hardly. In my case I was taking four courses. Two in religious Studies courses, and two in Communications. These are 300 level courses, SENIOR LEVEL. They demand attention and actual participation. These classes have less than 20 students and it’s hard to hide and stay out of sight of the teacher. I had 8:00 AM classes for godsakes. It was a struggle. Finals was the worse as the struggle to just stay awake was my first hurdle. extremely disinterested and fed up, I had to suck it up at my last attempt to pass my classes.
I got my semester grade report this week and I’m not completely satisfied. But I know how much I slacked, so I’m grateful my last push got me though it all. I actually passed, I actually did it even with all this weight on me. All this came with a lesson. S l o w d o w n N o r m a . . .
So that’s exactly what I am to do. Starting this summer, I am no longer working a full-time job. And I will not be looking for another as well. I am going to dedicate 100% to my school as its my last year of college. And the rest of my time will be spent putting 100% into our brand and expanding into other markets. From working on our first event to styling and even DJing. We are doing it all. We’ve been blessed to be placed around the right set of people and 2DOPEBITCHES is about to take a HUGE turn for the best.
I don’t want to say too much and give it all away but we have tons of goodies for our readers. We are really trying to push the buttons of what it means to be an empowered woman with style, smarts , and sophistication and really want to work on bring events and feedback to Miami and to the people who are interested in our generation and what we like.
In the end, what I hope to have you learn from this post is that everything happens for a reason. You can even make your own reason, but in the end just be happy. Everything is better in retrospect. As for me, I’m extremely happy. I feel like I’m living a dream and I’m no where I want to be yet. Just wait. And watch. We will not disappoint.
I recently took a mini vacation- I’m on the last day of it right now actually- where I jetted up to NYC then took a Chinatown bus down to Maryland for some family time.
Check out a couple photos of my short time in Brooklyn and the LES. I was with my friend Erika, a likeminded indivudual who is in the music and I guess “artsy” hipster-ish scene I associate myself with. She nonchalantly invited me to a brunch that her friend was throwing so we moseyed on over only to walk into a dimly lit room full of awesomeness. Everywhere I looked was a uniquely dressed 20 something with a cocktail in hand. The venue itself “Co-op” was dope- very beautiful yet eclectic and youthful with an all-wood room that would later become the dance floor. I’m super ignorant to the nightlife in the city so when I told my friend where I was I was suprised when he asked me if I was rich. Apparently it’s a pretty swanky place. I just went for the brunch, that I missed, and ended up meeting great people and even running into designer brother duo Dee and Ricky who we know from Miami. Great way to welcome me back to NYC.
After stopping by an awesome Creperie we headed over to a few shops (Supreme, Chipotle to name a few) then went to Yours Truly the rad clothing store in BK. There was a Cinco de Mayo keg party happening in the back with BBQ and a great DJ. I ran into a couple more people I’ve come in contact with over the past few years in Miami- Reemy from ANMLHSE clothing for instance. The world is tiny.
One thing I noticed that was really dope to me was the abundance of “black hipsters”- lots of hipsters or whatever you want to call them in Miami, but not too many black ones. Race obviously doesn’t matter or anything but it was just cool to see these people- black, hispanic, asian, etc wearing their crazy clothes, piercings, hair colors (!) and doing their thing without feeling like they have to live up to some stupid stereotype. More power to them and anyone else doing their thing. Word.
Ill Show you guys a few pictures from my time at home as well simply because my nieces are the cutest things EVER.
We all need vacations sometime!
This past weekend we moseyed on over to our girl Ariella’s house to celebrate the birthday of a dope ass dude by the name of Kendrick. He is pretty fresh- check him out in a sharp blazer with no shirt underneath a la Kanye West in the pictures! Ariella always throws the best backyard parties and this one was no exception! There was LOTS of pizza, dranks, trill music and keg stands galore !
Oh and don’t sleep- she IS wearing Jeremy Scott, fly as ever with her 5 cups!
It has been brought to my attention that I should explain my tattoos. Not explain myself as in justify my tattoo choices, but just to give the backstory to the ink on my body. First a little about me- I’m a true Pisces, a day dreaming, child of the universe who believes in karma and the power of “the secret.” I am artistic, as all pisces are, with grandiose dreams of doing everything I can imagine (also what I call artistic A.D.D.) I am a health food junkie and I connect the nature ( insert scene of “Colors of the Wind” by Disney’s Pocohantas lol) and I am weird. My tattoos are all important and special to me, even though the only one I took a really long time to think about was my first one- and that’s because I wanted to get it when I was 14 and my mom made me wait until I was 16 to get it.
My first tattoo is a Pisces symbol that I drew up in 2001. It’s super basic, and it’s green. I wanted turquoise, a water color but it’s cool. It literally is just a pisces symbol- nothing too deep here.
Once I turned 18, all hell broke lose- I decided to get a huge tattoo across my shoulder blades so I grabbed my mom’s book of American Wild Flowers and chose the ones that stood out to me. After that I brought the pictures to Christian Dimena at LoveCraft tattoo in New Haven, CT and he did his magic. He is truly one of the best artists I’ve ever worked with. I chose to leave them in plain black/blue ink but I added a small hummingbird a month later which is in full color so it would stand out. The hummingbird is awesome because it’s tiny, adorable, fast, sought after and highly elusive. I don’t know, maybe I feel a connection to the bird, but again, these tattoos are simply things I’ll love forever. People ask me all the time why I chose the specific flowers and always expect some long dramatic story but honestly I don’t have one, won’t make up one, and I don’t think I need one.
After my back was done, I got a rosary on my ankle, also done by Christian later that same year. This one hurt SO BAD. I’m not overly religious but to me this keeps me rooted in faith no matter what. That’s as deep as this one’s meaning goes. Again, hurt real bad!
Sadly one of my good childhood friends (who was like family) passed away the summer of 2007, which left us all heartbroken. I, along with my cousins and friends got a commemorative tattoo of a crown in his memory. I didn’t want the usual R.I.P. tattoo so I kept it simple. It’s on my wrist and when people see it the reaction is usually either “Oh, you a queen, huh?” or “Are you a Latin King?” and to both I usually try to give a funny answer. Like ”Yes, yes I am a Latin King…….”
I have another fishy tattoo- an actuall Angel fish done in South Beach. Angel fish are pretty cool- google them.
Recently I decided to start a half sleeve on each of my arms. The left side has been started and will be completely Egyptian themed. I feel very strongly connected to the culture and ideology of Ancient Egyptians so that’s my reasoning for the sleeve. Aside from deeper connections, the motifs and ancient dieties are beautiful and make for a gorgeous and interesting arm piece. I got the Egyptian goddess Bast (above) because she is the protector of the home and women, also she brings the party- singing and dancing and such. She’s a cool lady.
The right arm sleeve has not been started yet but will be my most colorful piece as it is loosely based on cartoons. More on that when I start it…
My most recent tattoo was added to the family last week. It’s a simple phrase- “Pay Attention” As I said in the beginning, I’m a true Pisces and I daydream a lot. That sometimes turns into spacing out and just sort of floating through life with my eyes closed and I am making a conscious effort to stop that. I feel like even though I’ve done and experienced so much in my 24 years, I missed out on a lot that was right in front of me. So yea, I need to pay attention more and now I have my constant reminder. I didn’t want cursive because this isn’t some song lyric- it’s an instruction. That about sums up my tattoos.
Now whenever someone asks me what what means or why I got this one or that one, I’ll just refer them to this post. Honestly I know a lot of people with tattoos get annoyed when asked about them, but really I don’t mind. Ask away! Obviously my tattoos are visible and I wear the craziest clothing anyways so I don’t mind the inquiries.
Now, tell me about yours!
2011: It had more twists and turns then you could imagine, for myself at the least. Success, change, struggle, adjustment, peace – they have all came with a price and im glad to have gone though the events in this past year no matter how horrible or amazing they have been … because they have made me a more mature, experienced, and complete human being.
With every new year we are forced to look back and make “resolutions” for the upcoming year. The idea of constructing ourselves to fit this new year plan or goal made me re-evaluate myself and had me asking, “why wait for the new year, new week, or new day to make something happen?” My psychology when it comes to school, work, family, and even this blog is that if you want to accomplish it – go for it. Yeah it sounds cliché, the whole “Just Do It” kind of motto, but in all reality, its true. What I’ve learned in the past month in working and meeting certain inspirational individuals is that the only thing stopping you from reaching your full potential…. is yourself.
As young adults we get so caught up in ourselves. Our social lives/media, our urge to make money, our indulgences, our relationships, our social perceptions – that it takes us away sometimes from the things that give us that greatest feeling above all - accomplishment. I don’t know about you, but FINISHING a task no matter how big or small is better than any climax ever. Knowing that I finished something I said I was going to do, makes me feel like I’m a responsible and true adult.
This year promises to bring new opportunity and growth for myself and others around me as I motivate and spread my positivism to others. I push all my readers and friends to just TRY. You want that new job? Find a way to show your effort to your potential employer. You want to become a rapper? Okay well record a song on your computer, market it yourself, and try to network so you can get some live gigs in the local Miami scene. You want to make a clothing company? Try to find potential investors, make a business plan, save your money, and keep focused. STAY FOCUSED. The party life will always be there. The girls/guys will always be there. The “Life” will always be there. What won’t be there is the opportunities. What won’t always be there is your supporters and loyal friends. What always won’t be there are the first-impressions and business connections swirling around you at all times.
I’m not here to give anyone advice, because I am in no place to give advice in any form. But I can just give you my fresh perspective and observation. I see a lot of people wasting their potential. I see a lot of people doubting themselves. I see a lot of people making excuses and telling themselves they need this and need that to get started. I see a lot of people getting caught up in “The Life”, and getting farther and father form their priories. Where there’s a will theres a way. If you want to make something happen, and your serious about your project (whatever it may be) then get to work. Draw ideas, contact the right people, start meetings, network, study, and put in those long sober hours of pure thought to piece together your plan to make things work.
A mind is a horrible thing to waste. Spend some time with your self- sober, alone, in deep thought and re-evaluate what you have done wrong and right in the past and plot your self to move forward with a new outlook. Bur don’t just plan it, do it. Be reliable, dependable, consistent with your word, even to yourself.
So I leave your with these thoughts and hope your new year is filled with a revitalized sense of being. You don’t need a new year to make plans, you need a strong mind and the power of you to make your dreams a reality.
Always with love,
© 2013 2DOPEBITCHES.com